I haven’t written a blog in months. How terrible is that? I want to write every day, but my words turn towards making sure my teachers are happier than myself. My desire is controlled by what needs to get done.
I’ve seen this in other writers before. It’s our job right? We’re here to make sure everyone’s happy before we let our hearts be free. Even when we write, most of it isn’t for ourselves. It can start out for ourselves, but we share our work with people. We search for the joy in their eyes from our words. All of it is for our audience. We’re always on a stage.
I imagine my stage torn up with magnificent creative details in the wood. There’s not much decorations, but enough to notice. I am off to the side of the stage with broken chains around my wrists. In the center, there’s a mirror pointing at the audience.
Sometimes I am the audience. But it’s not as interesting when I get affirmation. Of course, I accept my own work after a while.
But remember the chains? I’ve always wondered if it’s my other desires that are holding my writing desire back. What if I’m holding myself back? We do direct our time towards what matters the most.
Writing matters the most to me, right? I think about writing all the time. I still write all the time. College is just calling my attention more than I need it to.