“Your stories are amazing,” Jacob texts me one afternoon. “There’s no way it can get better. I tried to find a way and I couldn’t.” Liar. “Send some more stories my way!”
I bite the inside of my bottom lip, trying not to show too much emotion. Even if he’s not in the room to see, I don’t want even the vibes of my irritation to come off. Because I shouldn’t get upset over some praise, right? Being praised should be a good thing.
But, right now, it’s not great anymore. The praise comes off like a script. I could write the worse novel ever and he’d never notice. I found a few grammar mistakes after I sent the story to him, but he doesn’t notice them at all. He’s too fascinated by me. I know he means well, but I hesitate every time.
I guess this is another reason why friends shouldn’t edit my work. Their words sound false; they say everything I want to hear. But that’s not what I need to hear, so I resent it.
As writers, we need a mixture between praise and criticism to grow. People shouldn’t tell us that we’re amazing all the time. We also don’t need to get ripped apart like we’re nothing. I prefer a healthy middle—a gray area.
But that’s almost unrealistic. If I can find someone who gives me that gray area, I found someone worth keeping.
Robin LeeAnn 
I totally understand. I sometimes write for certain online magazines and one in particular….gah….here is a standard note at the end of an email communication—“I can’t wait to read more of your articles”.
I read that canned message and I’m totally deflated.
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Yeah, those types of messages suck. I mostly get them in my college writing classes when we’re graded on giving critiques. But sometimes I’ll just get a scribbled note at the bottom that says: “Couldn’t find anything to critique. Great writing!”
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Shoot. I don’t trust a critic of my work unless they find at least one typo per page or they offer at least three huge points of improvement. I’m a pretty good writer, but I know I’ve got room to grow.
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Like, if there’s no critique, I’m pretty sure they didn’t even read my work, which is more offensive in my opinion.
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That’s what I think sometimes too. Every writer – even published ones – have room to grow. Every piece can be improved.
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Yes, it’s nice to hear when someone likes your work, but I certainly agree that when you’ve asked for critique and they offer nothing it does seem like they are brushing you off.
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Yes! I had critique partners in high school who would never critique me. They knew I could write, so they brushed my paper off. It was like being a writer made me invalid for a good critique.
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I’m so with you here! This is so frustrating. I know they don’t want to hurt my feelings. But I really want to know their thoughts. It’s hard to find people who edit well. When you find them, hold on tight!!! Good luck!
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Yeah, they are hard to find. – Thanks! Good luck to you too!
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Some of my friends too would always praise me, but there is one friend who tells me the blatant truth no matter what, and that feels really good, to have that one critic.
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I’m glad you have that one good critic!
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